Saturday, March 07, 2009

an unbearable sameness of being

Those of you who know me, know that occasionally I post something about the unbearable sameness of being.  That feeling of one day being very much like the next and life being very predicable.  That is where I am right now, partly because of feedback in a review that amounts to my being asked to minimize my strengths and maximize my weaknesses to make things easier on those whose weakness is a fear of speaking up.  

Now, I happen to feel that everyone should work to their strengths, because we can learn to use those better, but our weaknesses will always be weaknesses.  We can't change them, but we can a way to not have a problem with our weaknesses, kind of like going around our shortcomings, as opposed to breaking our bones trying to surmount them.  One can be effective and fun, the latter just gets you a heck of a hospital bill.  

But I am very clear on a couple of things....we had our issues in the current economy early on and I am thankful for not having issues right now with my job, insurance, mortgage etc.  

I am also thankful that my husband is now working for the Census, which is interesting in the sense of how DO you count over 300 Million people with accuracy and equanimity?   The extra income will be good and allow us to save some extra money for us and for the kid's educations. 

I am lastly thankful that I have not been sick once yet in 2009.  This may in fact be borrowing trouble, but given how much I was sick last year, this is real cause for celebration!   I think that deep chocolate ice cream and hard apple cider are in order.

I guess at the end of the day, I just feel a bit adrift.  For three years, I was working toward my certification, and now that it's done and the book is done, I don't know what I should be doing with my self.  Of course, spend time with the kids and husband, although he's focused on the new yob so that's a bit odd right now.   And I also want to work on the business etc, but don't know where to start.  

So when you are experiencing the unbearable sameness of being, what do you do?


Tikabelle said...

Oh, hon I feel ya. When days bleed into weeks and you feel like you're losing time that should be better spent, but you can't manage to change anything? It's frustrating and awful.

When I'm stuck like that, I usually make a mix CD of rock tunes. Not wussy rock, but AC/DC and Butch Walker and Billy Idol stuff. Then I drive somewhere with the windows down, wailing my little heart out. If I end up somewhere relatively private - a field or something - I'll usually jump out of the car and dance around for awhile to "You Shook Me All Night Long." Then I turn around and come back. It doesn't change much, but it makes me feel better.


I try to revel in the sameness, because change - even good change - is stressful for me. For that reason, I don't like weekends or holidays; they upset the schedule.

zippiknits said...

Many people got the winter blahs after a very tough economic and political reality set in .. convergence chaos. Spring is coming! And though this in itself won't solve everything, it will solve the issues of not being able to get out there and do much until the flowers pop out of the ground.

My days are just that, very much the same. I've learned, slowly, to appreciate the days when I no longer feel barking insane.

Glad the financials are improved, and here's I few hugs and wishes for you to be about to get out there and dye your delicious yarns again IN THE SUN. ;o) *plonks down honking big box*